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Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved many, largely pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners once more.

Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear like hard work, often resulting in lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.

Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate different types of sexual unions as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay present with your partners, and recognize the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.