The Words from My Dad That Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of being a father.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The direct words "You are not in a good spot. You need assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to talking about the strain on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a wider reluctance to open up amongst men, who continue to absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a show of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a pause - taking a short trip overseas, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."